If shifts are to happen, then the prescription is change – Corinne Steel Gillespie
And change is uncomfortable even for the seasoned. It’s in this uncomfortable state we grow and learn, by pushing our boundaries we create new pathways in our minds and our lives. But it comes with limitations if we don’t stay conscious and aware of what is going on in ourselves and the process.
What does all this mean?! What it means is when you want to be different you are going to feel uncomfortable, unsure and downright outside our understanding and expertise. It can feel out of control, and this is when we can also slip into our old ways. There is no real way of avoiding it, but in being aware of the pattern or conscious when these slips occur that we can learn! Build resilience, and grow into your new pattern.
When instituting change there are some basic to consider:
1. Be Ready For Change – Sure it sounds easy enough. Do it differently, and it is done. It’s never quite that simple or people would change their ways for the better all the time. Eat better, exercise more, quit smoking, have better relationships… One thing is for sure, change isn’t easy. So when considering changing your ways acknowledge the past and reason for the way things are. Understand it will take a work and dedication.
When you decide you are ready, it’s usually best to have a plan. Not all situations allow for a plan but understand when you are making change a known path is a great source of strength.
2. Be kind – To yourself and the others in the journey. When changing oneself we will make mistakes, slip up. When we often slip into our old ways even when we are consciously trying to make a change. So the best advice is to remember to be kind to yourself.
When you react to your ex with the same usual responses, it’s likely a well ingrained coping skill. But if you have decided to change, accept your mistake and congratulate yourself for being aware. Next time you will do better!
3. Stay Aware – Our resistance to change is well rooted in biology. We, humans, have found ways to cope and learn over generations of neurological changes. And our minds are well designed to remember these learnings. Even when the learnings don’t apply perfectly or serve us well. So when looking to make changes to the way we have always done things there is often a lot of resistance(over reactions, avoidance) and strategies(creating distractions and excuses) we have for thwarting our own efforts. It’s best to review our reactions and behaviour as we go along.
So when you are in the middle of a recognisable old behaviour or reaction see it for what it is. Let the feelings or behaviours be seen for what they really are. Old, unserving and no longer relevant.
4. Use Counterintelligence – When you think about it the only way to really make change is to use moves smarter than the players already deployed. Counterintelligence faces more risks and threats in completing their tasks or missions. So when making the steps to change, remember you need to continuously outwit your target. And that means being creative in sidestepping your old ways probably more than once.
Get to know your own resistant strategies and use them to recognise when you should ‘delpoy more troops’ – Institute your new coping strategies.
5. Know Your Lifelines – Call a friend. Scream in a pillow. Throw rocks in a river. My good friend ran workshops to help people heal from trauma. One of her techniques was to have participants pick a large rock on the shore. She would then have them put their worries, hate, anger whatever they were dealing with in the rock and throw it in a river and scream at it. It is a very connected way to literally throw your problems away.
6. Know Your Limits – Making change is not for the weak of heart or mind. It takes courage to chose a new or different path. Some times it takes a team to get the job done. Call in the support you need to enact and execute your plan. It shows your strength and dedication to better things for yourself.
If you don’t know where to start, use your free 20-minute consultation. Solutions are my gift in this world and to you. No matter where you are in the process.