DEFINITION of Justice – is the legal or philosophical theory by which fairness is administered.
Did you read each word? They are heavy individually let alone brought together. And yup, JUSTICE is a theory. Well, how can that be?! That is because JUSTICE is in the eye of the beholder.
That is because when we discuss JUSTICE other words also play into factor. Such as impartial, punishment/punitive, “eye for an eye”, revenge, fairness, victim, criminal, and judge. The list is exhaustive. The discussions of JUSTICE also bring the internal sense or feeling we cannot ignore. We see or hear of a situation and we feel it in our gut. It’s instinctual. We feel others inJUSTICE for and with them.
How does JUSTICE play into exes and divorce?
Well, in the process of separating our lives we feel many of these same gut instincts. We receive a piece of information from the other side about how the situation will settle and we feel it in our gut. Whether it is that sinking feeling or jubilation depends on how JUST we feel the scenario. In separating lives our gut gets triggered and in the instinctual gut reaction leaves us feeling victimized, acting in revenge, and this is where the process starts to degrade.
While I was discussing this topic there was a strong sense that one person’s view of the situation is more JUST than another’s, that there is one situation that makes it JUST, and so the best place to start is in our perception of the details. We started by discussing the facts, past and present that contributed to the feelings of inJUSTICE. In discovering the details, it is often HOW and WHAT is said that contributes to the WHY there are the feelings of inJUSTICE. You often feel the conversation is reflective of one side, the actions of one person are direct actions against another instead of inconsequential collateral effect, and there is a sense of one person being more or less deserving of their preferred outcome. Detail discovery also highlights the places people feel stuck.
How do we move past the stuckness?
So how do we resolve these situations where each person feels hurt, unfairness, or stuckness? With any feeling of stuckness, there are many factors to consider, and I cannot address them all, if you need more in-depth help in addressing and defining how to move beyond your own stuckness, please connect with me personally. For today I will address one method I use to move people beyond the moment and feeling to get to the heart of the resolution. FOR ANYTHING TO CHANGE the prescription is to be different. Sounds too simple, right?! Ultimately until each person in the situation can see beyond their own circumstance, YOU WILL STAY STUCK. So there are a few ways to move beyond the stuckness to resolution.
One method I like to use is the act of thinking letting go. and letting go is HARD. But if we take it in small chunks we can get through where we must. get things done. It’s also important to separate forgiveness from letting go. Some times you can let go, or put things away until you are ready to unpack them without forgiving. And get through the moments decisions. You will need to get uncomfortable to make the change necessary to shift the situation. It is in this uncomfortable zone we grow, stretch our mind beyond the confines it already works in, and grow beyond the situation in front of us. My favourite way to grow the mind is in the uncomfortable zone of creativity. A good art and craft activity are sometimes the best way to break the mold. Especially a messy one.
Of course, we don’t always have the time we need to dedicate to a growth project. So the next best thing is to surround yourself with people you can trust to make or help make the decision for you. These people can be your family, friends or professionals. Bestie, sibling, counselor or coach. These are people we can rely on to make the decision or move us passed our stuckness in the moment to get to the decision quicker. These are the people we delegate certain decisions to so when it gets tough we tag them in. We all have these moments.
If shifts are to happen, the prescription is change.
The eye of the beholder can be changed; you will need to get uncomfortable. Choose your path. Be ready to take on the next step. Set up your future for success!
Ready to find out more?
Let’s us figure it out together!